You’ve been in this relationship for awhile and you’re beginning to think that it’s not working for you. The things about him that you initially thought were cute or endearing now irritate the hell out of you. You didn’t think it would be this way when you first started dating him. You saw him in a whole different light and now that he’s yours, you don’t know if he’s such a catch after all.
We’ve all been there. You can’t call it a relationship until you’ve had doubts and second thoughts. You may think that there is someone out there for you that you won’t have these second thoughts about, but the reality is… there probably isn’t.
As you get older, you come to realize that every person comes into the relationship with their ‘stuff.’ Even you. The most important thing of all is to figure out which ‘stuff’ you can put up with and that which you absolutely cannot.
Some women absolutely have to have someone who is educated. For others, he’s got to be gorgeous. And other woman might want someone that is going to wine and dine them. Women typically want variations of a lot of the same things, so sometimes, it’s more important to figure out what it is that you will not put up with. Is it acceptable to you if he has no work ethic? What if he’s really bad with money? What if he’s a cheater? Once you are clear on what you won’t deal with, it’s much easier to see the positive traits in the person that you are with. If he’s got the most important characteristics going for him, then you can learn to live with some of the less desirable traits.
Look at it this way. You’re dating a man that doesn’t spoil you in the way that you’re used to. This may really bother you, but you must look at the big picture. Is he faithful to you? Does he have integrity? Do you both have a lot in common and enjoy each other’s company? Instead of focusing on what you perceive to be his shortcomings, keep in mind that nobody is perfect. Every man you date will have some imperfections and some of those will be a lot more serious than others. If you decide to break up with the guy that you think is cheap and start dating someone that treats you in the manner that you feel accustomed to, you may find that guy’s a liar and a cheater. What’s more important to you?
For every great quality that you find in a man, you will likely have to compromise on something else. It all balances out in the end. So, before you write someone off, make a list of both his positive and negative traits. Compare it with your list of absolute must-haves in a relationship. If his traits coincide with the things that you have at the top of your list, then that relationship is worth salvaging.
Also, what a lot of women don’t realize is that people grow and change. The man you start dating today will not be the same man in 5 years. He will mature and if he loves you, he will step up to the plate to meet your expectations. It takes time and patience, however. You can’t come in the door making demands because that’s likely to run him away. Men have to come the realization on their own that you are worth the effort. If he’s a good man and he’s worth your time and patience, you can have your Happily Ever After… after all.