I’m back, Single Men of America. It’s Simms Jr., your Single Men Examiner, here to drop some knowledge for some of you out there that need it. I was once single, and I lived a life of nearly endless happy hours, ladies nights, and last calls. And that (I think) makes me a little bit of an authority on the lives of the 21st century single male. So, today, I’ll share some well earned wisdom.
As you single guys already know, the dating game has changed a lot. It used to be at a certain age, men (adults period) had to get out of the nightclubs and bars. Chris Rock’s infamous “Old Guy In The Club” joke hit a nerve with men in the mid ’90’s. No guy wanted to be caught dead in a nightclub past the age of 35. For a time, that was the case. Until recently, when the rules changed. In a world where many us of stay in the gym, take really good care of ourselves, and end up divorced and single at earlier ages than in the past, a nightlife has actually become a very viable social option. In many cities there are nightclubs/bars that cater to a 28 year old and up demographic. It’s not uncommon to see hot (men and women) 30-50 year olds partying the night away.
There are places that single men of many ages can meet women. That’s the good news. The bad news, is that there are a lot of single men out there who make mistakes in bar/nightclub/social settings. Mainly identity mistakes. There are certain types and guys that…single guys shouldn’t be. Who are those guys? They are:
Dance Fever Guy: You know the guy. He’ll start out slow, dancing with a woman on the dance floor. He’s doing OK, dancing with his partner, while carrying on a pleasant conversation. Then…Chris Brown comes on. Or Usher. And Dance Fever Guy thinks he’s Chris Brown. Or Usher. Or even Bobby Brown. And he’s now forgotten about the woman in front of him, and he’s putting on a one-man dance revue. The point is, if you are a single man, trying to meet single women, the women have to be your focus. Not your dashed Justin Timberlake backup dancer dreams. No backspins when you are around the ladies. And it’s a big “Hell Naw” to dance battles it the club, too. For the cast of “Step Up Part 8”, that works. For single guys looking to meet women, it’s a total no go. (Also in this category: Frat Stepper Guy and Old Dance Move Guy.)
Tapout MMA Fanatic Guy: I have friends of mine who are MMA practitioners. I like MMA. I think Dana White is a genius. That said…single guys, don’t…wear…Tapout…gear…in …the…nightclub. Maybe a bar. But a nightclub? Not cool. Keeping it real? The Tapout wearing, Monster energy drink swigging, frothing at the mouth guy makes other guys in the club uneasy, and scares the crap out of the women. I’m not talking about all MMA fans or students. I’m talking about the guys who think the nightclub is the Octagon. Single guys. There’s nothing wrong with looking tough. But you don’t want to frighten the women away. Women don’t care about arm-bars in the club. (Also in this category: NFL Is God Guy, I Ran For 3000 Yards In A High School Game Guy, and SportsCenter Over Sex Guy.)
Thirsty Guy: Please, please, single men. Don’t be this guy. The guy who pinballs throughout the nightclub, who talks to every woman he sees. Well, who lets everybody see him talk to every woman he sees. I get it. In my single days, there were times that a nightclub was full of hotties. And I made my rounds. But, I always tried my best to have some class about it. Single guys, be self aware. If you are going to talk to multiple women, do it with some sense of decorum. Because one of the biggest turnoffs for a woman is for her to see you talk to 5 women before her. In a twenty minute span. (Also in this category: Persistent and Scary Guy and “What’s Personal Space?” Guy.)
Single guys, all you really have to do is be yourselves. Even in the nightclub. The whole “being yourself” thing is another topic for another column. Just know that to meet hot single women, you don’t have to be a walking caricature.
Now, get your butts in the gym.
For questions, tips, or to just cuss me out, reach me at firstname.lastname@example.org