New relationships are an exciting and thrilling time. You are falling in love while getting to know the person you have chosen to be in an exclusive relationship with. You are learning each other’s likes and dislikes, idiosyncrasies, aspirations, beliefs, dreams, fears, behaviors, desires, fantasies, strengths, weaknesses, and discovering your compatibility. This is a blissful time full of promise and adoration while figuring out how to build a life together. When you are in this state of utopia you want to tell everyone you encounter of your new found love and welcome them to share in your bliss. The urge to tell everyone how great this person is overwhelms you at times and you find yourself spewing off details about him and your relationship when someone simply said “Good morning.” However, there is a price to pay when inviting everyone into your relationship and it comes in the form of unsolicited advice and comments. There is a fine line between concern and being noisy, advice and judgment. Relationship killers come in many different forms, but I’m referring to the ones that have to greatest impact on you and are closest to you:
Your Family, Friends, and Associates
Relationships require hard work to maintain when it is between two people, but when you add in your mother, sister, best friend, and co workers it makes it even harder to maintain. It is only natural to want to include the people closest to you into your life and share things with them, but be careful what you share. If you only share the times that he gets on your nerves, you have an argument, he’s done something you didn’t like then their perception of him will be jaded. They will think he is a bad guy and begin to tell you how much better you can do. They don’t know about how he took care of you when you were sick, how he takes the kids to the little league games, or helps you clean up around the house. If you are going to share make sure you share the good with the bad, but be careful of that too because you don’t want to find out your best friend is now pushing up on your man.
The people closest to you are always going to have your best interest at heart. They want to see you happy and doing well. Their comments are not meant to be malicious or hurtful, but instead to be words of wisdom and of help. On the other hand their opinions may be unwarranted and then they can be received as hurtful and judgmental. When they are sharing insight or wisdom they should do so in a manner that does not put you on defense. Their words will not be heard and may cause a rift in the relationship you have with them. They should be respectful of your choice even if they don’t agree with it. It’s not their place to tell another grown person what to do with their lives. There are times when it is appropriate to step in and voice their opinion when they see abuse or you are being misused, but if that is not the case then they need to try to limit their comments and opinions unless asked for them.
“You” can be the number one killer of your own relationship. If you allow outsiders to infiltrate your relationship you will no longer be in a relationship. There are a few things you need to take into consideration when it comes to maintaining a happy healthy home.
- Be mindful of who you are talking to and what you are telling them. Everyone does not have your best interest at heart. The ones you think will have your back will, sometimes, be the first ones to stab you in it. Misery loves company and if your best friend is a lonely miserable soul then they would very much so love for you to join them.
- Don’t over think things. Sometimes you can get so caught up in your own head that you subconsciously sabotage your relationship. You have to just go with the flow and let things happen at their own pace and in their own time.
- Go with your gut. We women have an intuition that lets us know when things aren’t right. If you choose to ignore that nagging thought, those suspicious behaviors, that uneasiness in your stomach then you have no one to blame but yourself when the crap hits the fan. My gut has never lied to me, but my heart has. Listen to your gut and if nothing is wrong then don’t make it wrong. Which leads me to my next point…
- Don’t let past baggage get in the way of your present / future happiness. If everything is moving along smoothly and there are no ripples in the water then don’t go making waves. Why rock the boat because of your own insecurities? Give this relationship a chance and don’t weigh it down with the baggage that Reggie, Leroy, and Michael left you with. Start with a clean slate and use your past experiences as lesson rather that reference points.
- Talk to the person you are in the relationship in. How do you expect to solve your relationship problems, issues, or concerns when you are talking to everyone but them? Even worse is not sharing and keeping it bottled up. Your significant other is not a mind reader. If you are acting irrational, cold, and difficult towards your mate versus talking to them it will only make the situation worse. Communication is key and the key is to talk to the person you love who is in it with you.
The bottom line is that your relationship is your relationship. Everyone else is just on the outside looking in. They don’t know the intimate talks you have, how that person makes you feel, or even what is best for you. Sometimes you have to take a step back from sharing everything with those around you and just focus on being in the relationship you are in. There is nothing wrong with not sharing every single detail because truthfully some things need to be kept between you two. Only other person that needs to be involved in every aspect of your relationship is God. That’s who is going to keep you together.