I notice many articles about online – Internet dating telling you how to get a second date. While that is an important goal, it pales in importance to getting the tenth date. Here the tenth date is a metaphor for developing a relationship and that is probably what most people are looking for if you take away those just looking for casual sex.
The second date is not as much in your control as the tenth date. Let me explain.
When two people meet, there is a physical/psychological response that takes place and it determines whether or not a second date will take place. This is the process we call chemistry. If there ain’t no chemistry, there ain’t no second date and there’s not much you can do about it.
Keep in mind that chemistry is not only about looks which is what most people think. Personality comes into play as do other variables such as charisma, strength and security issues. Whether or not a potential mate can offer security (which is very desirable) is often evaluated by the clothing you wear and the car you drive. Yes, these are all components of chemistry that we don’t often think about because “looks” is such a big part.
Assuming that chemistry has all of these components, it makes sense to enhance as many as you can if you want that second date. Dress nice with an air of success and sophistication, groom well, look your best (that means you comb your hair, use some makeup), be personable and drive up in your fancy car. While the last component belongs in the shallow end of the Internet dating pool, it is a factor like it or not. Do you really want to have a relationship with someone who is very handsome/pretty, drab, dull and unsuccessful? I didn’t think so! Not any more that you want to be with someone who doesn’t appeal you in the “looks” category.
Be on your best behavior, but be real. Don’t try to be what you are not.
Don’t push too hard for the second date. Either this person is interested based on all of those chemistry factors or they are not. There is nothing wrong with offering a little hint by saying things like, “I had a really nice time and I hope to see you again.” That’s all you have to say, and they could respond positively right then and there and ask you out because you gave the green light, or they may just say, “Sure,” and never call you or answer your calls again.
If there is no “chemistry” there will not be a second date.
The bigger issue comes once you have the second date. After all, this means they liked you enough to see you again. Now assuming they aren’t a predator looking to exploit you for your money (that is a risk of driving up in your fancy car) or just looking for some casual sex, the next and most important task is to make sure you get the tenth date. REMEMBER – that’s the actual relationship where the two of you are seeing each other regularly.
This means that from date two to date nine, you have to please this person and keep your demons hidden. Oh, the demons are your anger (mostly guys) your moodiness (mostly gals) your indecision, pettiness, demanding behavior, complaining, controlling, clingy the list goes on and you probably have an idea of what you don’t like in others. Put those things on your list of things to not do. Make sure you can see your faults and keep them at bay.
Conversely, let your beautiful traits shine through. You know, things like kindness, thoughtfulness (yes, buy some flowers and send some cards), being supportive, empathy, affection (hold his/her hand and put your arm around his/her waist as you walk), the list goes on.
You play your cards right and you will surely have that “tenth date” you’re looking for. If you really want a lifetime of bliss, keep up the good work and you shall likely never tire of each other.
Next time we will look at the prefect date.
If you need more information all about Internet dating go to my blog: http://www.whoyoudatingnow.com