These past weeks I’ve been doing a little research, inadvertently, but research none the less. I talked to two male friends about love and relationships to which I stated comments such as, “I don’t believe in love in your 20s” and “dating is just a form of prostitution.” Both men were quick to tell me I was being ridiculous. That commitment is something they valued and that they were great boyfriends… I was shocked that they would have such strong opinions on the topic. Feeling brazen, I stated the same comments again to a random guy I met at a bar. He looked at me like I was insane and that was the end of our short-lived love affair (thank you for my drink, though).
Do I really believe that love doesn’t exist for us young bucks? It depends on the week I’m having and the movies I’ve recently watched… I think it’s real and we need it. I think love gets thrown around and treated like crap and it’s been devalued, overvalued, and abused. I also think that when it happens purely, it’s magic.
What I’m beginning to realize is that most guys are starting to “get” the relationship thing. Even more so, I’m beginning to realize that most women don’t want it as much. Is it me, or have the roles reversed?
When I was younger and more naïve (10 months ago) I didn’t see the point of dating someone you didn’t see a future with. I didn’t understand the mentality of trying things on for size and having fun with them. I was a serious dater. If I loved you, I accepted all of you and it was just that simple. The problem there was that the men I was dating were still playing the field and even when I found a guy to slow down with, he apparently was playing on all sorts of fields. It seems I was never on the same page as anyone I was dating.
Now that these boys have grown into men I find myself still on a different page. I don’t want a serious relationship, I want to make up for lost time and have fun. I’m quick to call it quits when I find something I don’t like, I’m taking care of myself before anyone else and I’m enjoying all the things that make me turn crimson when I share (and hide) them over cocktails. When did I switch from being a serious dater to a frivolous one? And furthermore, when did the guys start wanting the intimacy that us women were only to happy to THROW at them just a couple of years ago?
It’s not just me. I’ve talked to women who have no intention of settling down. We work hard, we drink bourbon, we have booty calls, and we like it. We like being selfish and caring only about what we want to do. It might sound harsh, but really it sounds like almost every guy I knew in my early 20s. I’ve talked to men who have waited 4 hours for a text back and who have taken girls out and felt rejected when they get snubbed for a second date. I know men who have written and erased and rewritten texts. Who have vocally obsessed, electronically stalked, and literally dreamed about women. Which I’m sure was happening years ago also but it wasn’t nearly as open table topic as it is now. It’s hard to not wonder how this happened and think that the sexes have somehow evolved… into each other.
I know plenty of women in relationships who are strong, who still work hard and have chosen to equally split the hunting and gathering duties. I know, and I think most women would agree, that having a male lead in your life doesn’t make you a supporting actress by any means. I’m not saying all women are playing the field and I’m not saying all men want to start painting a white fence. I’m saying there has been a shift, a noticeable shift, in how we interact with each other as sexual beings. Things have changed, lines are blurred, and ladies is pimps, too.
Play on, playa.