Hey, all you single ladies… Are you searching for your special someone?
Debra Kunz is the author of Love is Blind Only if You Are: A Woman’s Clear-Headed Guide to Deliberate Dating. Deb says success in dating is found by choosing not settling, knowing yourself before you decide who he should be, and having the strength to walk away from a man who is not good for you or a relationship that’s not right for you.
I interviewed Deb recently and she offered the following 5 tips for women, especially single ladies who find themselves back in the dating world after age 40:
1. Breaking up is great to do.
Usually, breaking up is the reason people don’t try. They are afraid of being hurt, and don’t want to go out on yet another first date. Actually, breaking up is part of the process, and an opportunity to learn something about yourself and your dating choices.
2. Recognize the signs of trouble.
Sometimes the signs of trouble are more obvious than we want to admit. Some of the most common ones are- he only calls late at night, only compliments your body, only talks about himself, or you’ve never met his friends. Often, it’s the knot in your gut that says ‘something doesn’t add up.’ Don’t ignore that feeling with the excuse “he’s so hot” or “he’s so much fun.” If you are looking for Mr. Right, is he really someone you could build a life with? Listen to the real answer.
3. Take off your love goggles.
The truth is, love is blind only if you are. Deliberate dating is about dating on purpose, and making decisions with the common sense from your head and the emotions from heart. You no longer date by default, or do things the way you’ve always done them since you understand there’s a big difference between who you end up with versus who you choose.
4. Choose Mr. Right for You.
Interestingly enough, when you focus on Mr. Right for You, it is really less about him and more about you. As you have lived your life, you have learned about yourself, what’s important to you, and your own values. This creates a set of standards that apply when choosing Mr. Right for You—so the next step is giving yourself permission to use those standards.
5. Don’t let events designed for couples make you crazy.
Take Valentine’s Day….please! Events for couples can be a lot of pressure, though usually it’s pressure you put on yourself. If you’re single and you don’t want to be single, you may shift suddenly into a desperate mode. Desperation is really the best date repellent ever. So instead of dwelling on what you don’t have, do something fun for yourself like get a massage, make your favorite meal, or have a chocolate treat and enjoy the day.
Want more tips on how to date smarter and avoid common mistakes? The author takes an often humorous, always truthful look at what you really need to know in her drama-free guide for women, especially for those who are over age 40. Get started on the path of deliberate dating and finding Mr. Right. Request the free chapter: “That Dating Place – Is He Interested? Am I? How do I know?”