An organization that goes by the name The Center for Science in The Public Interest has rescued us from premature death. Taco Bell, the fast food chain, came out with a television ad that made fun of vegetable trays suggesting that people secretly hate them and that anyone who shows up to a party with such an outrage is akin to “punting on forth and one”.
The Scientists at the Center were probably busy studying string theory one afternoon with the television on and noticed the commercial and recognized the overt vegism and the dangers it entails. They sprang into action for the public good because that is what they do, hence their name.
The Center urged people to Tweet disapproval of the ad on Twitter because Facebook “sucks” (just say’in) and as a result Taco Bell punted First and Ten and pulled the ad. Science has saved us again.
Taco Bell is a corporation that’s seeks profits by killing us with big food. They do this is by telling us that we secretly hate vegetables and that it is an affront to our masculinity to bring them to a party. Science says this is an effective means of making us do what Big Taco wants us to do and even allowing them to convince us that we are thinking awful things about vegetables.
Once Taco Bell was exposed by the scientists they issued this statement: “we didn’t want anyone to misinterpret the intent of the ad”. Which means the ad was a joke but science says it could be taken seriously which could result in obesity and death so we can’t joke about it. Okay?
Baltimore Ravens quarterback Joe Flacco said that having a Super Bowl in New Jersey next year would be “retarded”. It was a slip of the tongue and he quickly apologized. Now a lot of people hate him.
The reason for the hate is because “retarded” has been banished from the English language because people who used to be called retarded are not retarded because the word retarded has been banished from the English language.
Joe Flacco was referring to an activity at a place in time. He wasn’t talking about people with a disability but since he used the word “retarded” this prompt the protectors of the disabled and the caretakers of cultural propriety to make the case that people with a disability are retarded since anyone who even mentions the word is referring to them.
If Joe Flacco said having the Super Bowl in New Jersey would be stupid that would have only insulted liberals because liberals aren’t stupid the way the disabled aren’t retarded. I believe this is the proper way of looking at it. Now if we can get people to say “S-word”.