“In all disorder there is a secret order.” – Carl Jung
When it comes to soul mates, the questions often arise: Do you get just one? How do you know when you have found a soul mate? Unfortunately, there is no exact science or mathematical equation behind the mystery of a soul mate; yet, the most beautiful things in life often remain somewhat of a mystery.
Marriage and family therapist, Shelly Bullard, states that a soul mate is a person with whom you are inexplicably drawn to be in a relationship with. Love is not logical; it is of the soul. This does not mean that you are going to be with this person forever. People often mistake the challenges that come along with finding a soul mate, as an end of the road. It is important to remember that where there is potential for the greatest love, there is also potential for the greatest pain. A soul mate relationship includes both because both love and pain exist within us, states Shelly. What is within us will eventually show up in front of us and our demons will not go away unless they are confronted.
Shifting our perception of a soul mate will allow us to adapt to the relationship as it grows, even in painful situations. This goes along with the findings of Psychologist, Dr. Jeremy Nicholson. 73 percent of Americans believe that they are destined to find their perfect soul mate. However, those who firmly believe in a soul mate tend to be less committed to their partner during times of difficulties and are less likely to forgive them after mistakes. However, in all relationships, disagreement, conflict and incompatibility will arise. Ultimately, no one is perfect – or a perfect fit for a partner. It takes work, growth and change to keep a relationship going and satisfying over time.
Taking a more realistic approach to the magical idea of a soul mate allows us to accept the discomfort that arises and see it as an opportunity to change. Jung said, “Seldom or never does a marriage develop into an individual relationship smoothly without crisis. There is no birth of consciousness without pain.” Our soul mates are the people that give us the opportunity to resolve internal struggles by triggering our issues so that we can become conscious of them and create a different reality.
It is important to always choose love. This means that we see people beyond their mistakes and act with compassion, as we believe in the potential of our partners, even during the times that they cannot see it within themselves. Whether you have your soul mate now or you had one that walked away from you, it is never too late to find someone that truly believes in you. Finding someone that you can walk through Hell with, endure years of difficulty with and watch them forgive you when you were at your worst with them is a noble, precious gift. It is even more of a gift when, through all of that, you can still smile, laugh, create memories and call that person your very best friend.
Soul mates are brought into your life so that you can grow and expand into the best version of yourself.
“I said, I wish you could see the ocean. He said, I wish you could see hope. I said, I wish you could see the stars; he told me I should see love.” – Frank Ocean